WASHINGTON — As the start of the NFL’s next season quickly approaches, Americans are mentally preparing themselves to stop caring about political matters and world events entirely. The annual shift in Americans’ interests will mean a huge decrease in an already-low area of knowledge and will be replaced with questions such as whether the Super Bowl champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers have the best defense of all time.

According to pollsters, Americans are coping with their upcoming lack of interest in politics in a variety of ways. Some are slowly weaning themselves off of their reliance on the newspaper and television news, while others are busy cramming in as much political news as possible now.

“Selecting the leader of the free world is an amazing privilege that we as Americans have, and its our right to learn about national and international affairs, and vote in this sacred statement of democracy,” Jason Rollins, head of the American History department at Yale, said.

“By the way, did you see the way defensive end Simeon Rice pummeled quarterback Rich Gannon in the Super Bowl? That was the best damn thing I’ve ever seen in my life! Kaaa-yaaa! Sorry, what was I talking about?” Rollins said.

Other issues that Americans are preparing to stop caring about completely are war in Iraq, the economy, and kidnapped children.