George W. Bush, who took the controls of the Navy S-3B Viking jet originally meant to transport him to the USS Abraham Lincoln, announces victory in two wars

USS Lincoln — President Bush is being hailed as a hero after singlehandedly forcing the Syrian ruling regime out of power yesterday, when he deviated from a flight plan that would have taken him straight to an aircraft carrier for a televised speech.

The President, a former National Guard pilot, was scheduled to fly directly to the aircraft carrier but took controls from the Navy pilot on board and changed course approximately 30 miles off the California coast.

Pentagon officials said they had no foreknowledge of the President’s actions, and that Bush’s surprise-attack may have been a key to victory. “We were working up a battle plan for Syria and George just goes and takes care of it,” said a Defense Department aide.

“Yeeeehaw! What a f——— rush,” exclaimed the President after landing on the Lincoln.

Instead of a speech to the nation Thursday announcing victory in only Iraq, the President returned to the Lincoln to announce victory in Iraq and in Syria.

The pilot on board the Viking with Bush, John “Skip” Lussier, said that he was thrilled to be “tagging along for the ride” with the President.

“I gave him the stick and it was like he hadn’t ever left the cockpit…” said Lussier. “…which is amazing considering he was AWOL for the tail end of his duty with the reserves.”