President says that those responsible will happily learn the true meaning of American justice

Indianapolis — President Bush said today that those responsible for suicide bombings in Saudi Arabia that left dozens dead would be discussed at length in speeches and on cable news, but eventually forgotten.

“These despicable acts were committed by killers whose only faith is hate,” Bush said in Indianapolis on a tour to promote tax cuts. “And the United States will find the planners of this terrorist act, show clips of them on the news, use them as political leverage, invade a country or two in their name, and finally move on to the next thing.”

The President also said that the U.S. would punish the suicide bombers themselves, who are technically already dead from the attack.

American officials said they suspect al Qaeda operatives are responsible for the bombing. One unnamed source said that while most al Qeada suspects have been smoked out of their holes, “they must have found a new place to meet, like a palace or hotel or something. Sneaky bastards.”

“This tax cut is important, and would represent a major blow against terror,” President Bush said. “These hateful men only seek the end of America, and lower taxes. The war on terror will never be fully won without my tax cut.”